Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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