I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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