wrigley field is MILF paradise
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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