call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
