he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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