Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
