Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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