I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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