You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
