I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
