Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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