Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
