Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
