it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
