so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
