you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
