I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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