nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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