my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
