So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
