I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
