I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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