I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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