i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
