god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just cropdusted the office
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
