She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
