I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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