Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
