Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
