U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
