Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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