and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
