I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
