Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
