he puts the penis in happiness.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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