Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
