Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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