I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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