My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You ruined the universe
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
