I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Watching her eat just hurts me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
