My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
false alarm, still single
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
