Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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