I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Actions speak louder than pants.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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