He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
