Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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