1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
