Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
