the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
