I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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