took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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