This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
