There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How's work?
Spinning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
