How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
