all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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