I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
